By David Burns
Difficulty making and protecting pals and enthusiasts? David Burns, writer of the progressive 'Feeling Good' may help you recover from your neuroses and make allowance your self the affection you deserve.
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Extra resources for Intimate Connections
Example text
When you get input from other people’s faces and voices telling you that these people are safe, the smart vagus sends a message to the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems, telling them to turn off. In effect, the smart vagus says, “I’m with friends and everything is going to be okay. ” The smart vagus is one reason we feel less stress when we’re around people we trust. When you feel safe, the smart vagus also lets your muscles do the motor work that’s necessary for engaging with the people around you.
It runs throughout your entire body, innervating muscles, organ systems, and glands. We used to think that our autonomic nervous system was a lot like Uncle Milty’s, with only two major parts: The sympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for the famous fight-or-flight response. The parasympathetic nervous system, which leads to the freeze response. In other words, scientists believed that when you feel surprised or threatened, your body automatically responds in one of two ways: either your sympathetic nervous system revs up, providing you with the energy and focus needed to fight or flee; or your parasympathetic nervous system activates, slowing your body processes down so that you freeze and play dead.
Eventually it will lose its good tone and become weak—leaving you with a loud and hypersensitive set of stress responses that perceives other people as basically dangerous and unkind, no matter what the reality. That’s a tragedy, because we are built to use safe relationships as a way of reducing stress. Without this ability, we may look more independent, but in reality we are weaker and sicker. Happily, there are plenty of ways to improve the tone of your smart vagus. Later in the book, I’ll describe these methods in detail.