By Cameron Pierce
Flying sharks and robots...more enjoyable than the Bible!What may you predict to discover in the event you traveled again in time to the backyard of Eden? Adam and Eve? The tree of data? A depraved serpent? How approximately a few mammoth fucking flying sharks! that is correct, I acknowledged sharks. Biblical sharks. Sharks which are greater than urban buses. Sharks that may swim in the course of the air and during the floor simply as effortless as swimming via water. The backyard of Eden is swarming with those large killing machines and they're going to consume absolutely anything or someone they arrive throughout. a bunch of fanatical non secular travelers from the long run go back and forth again in time to satisfy Adam and Eve. regrettably, their time send crashes, killing nearly all of the workforce (including the leprechauns) and leaving them stranded during this unusual shark-infested land. one of the survivors are: Ernest who has the power to show humans into mannequins, Ira who wields a razor-edged bible for a weapon, Wayne an incredible wizard head with fats lizard legs, Donkey the hunchback halfwit, Anton the birdman, Rattlesnake health practitioner, Ancestor, and Sturgeonwolf. This cult of deranged clergymen quickly become aware of that Eden is a much more surreal and hazardous position than they ever may have imagined. it's going to take every little thing they have for you to live to tell the tale lengthy sufficient to discover in a different way again domestic. Shark searching in Paradise backyard is a loopy, wild trip of a narrative. it's what William Burroughs' mind's eye might seem like if changed into eastern anime.
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After the long fall, we land dog pile at the edge of a flat clearing, mere feet from 38 SHARK HUNTING IN PARADISE GARDEN taking a potentially fatal drop. The darkness prevents me from calculating how far we fell, but hiking or scaling back up the cliff is probably impossible. I rub my head. Blood dampens my hairline, but the cut from the whiskey bottle doesn’t feel serious. Head wounds just bleed a lot. ” Ira screams, conscious again but apparently unaware that we just fell off a cliff. Wayne appears sorrier and more decrepit than ever.
52 SHARK HUNTING IN PARADISE GARDEN Tree of Knowledge: But why should you leave so soon? We have games, so many games to play. So many games to derange your perceptions. Would anyone care to sample the sweets growing in my skull? I have savage membrane lollipops, gumdrop leviathans, everything you ever wanted. When you have tasted them, then maybe you will find the path to God or (snickers) Adam and Eve. Me: How can we be certain that anything you say is true? Tree of Knowledge: By realizing that nothing is certain or true in Paradise Garden.
So glad I need a lecture from Mr. Right, is that it? You’ve got no say in what I think. I’ve seen you stare out at us so smug and satisfied, thinking you’re so magnificent. Let me tell you, you’re not, and you smell like swamp ass when you’re a toad. It’s none of your business if I think Wayne’s an idiot. ” Wayne is sensitive about his powers. Ira knows this, but she’s drunk. Wayne lowers his head to the cave floor and closes his eyes. He weeps to himself. Wayne’s spells might be worthless, but they’re really no worse than the epic fantasy series he used to write.